I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
