Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
they call him Oral-B. enough said
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
