turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize