He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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