Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
