Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
