Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
