Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
