Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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