I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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