he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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