; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I could make wine with my vomit
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
