sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
