I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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