omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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