you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
how does that bad decision feel?
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