i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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