I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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