I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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