My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
