Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
