dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
