He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize