I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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