Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
