Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
