sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
