I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You are the jesus of drinking
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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