He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
