Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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