Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
