Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
