The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
