if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
