One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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