I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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