i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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