just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
