Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
