It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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