im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This house was built for laser tag.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
