I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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