this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize