So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
