I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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