When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
