i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
