Please, let me fuck your mom
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
porn star boner night. come get it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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