Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize