My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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