I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
