I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
