First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
