i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize