My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
