sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
