Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
