Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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