it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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