I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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