I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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