I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
