why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
