I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
