if you like me you must not know who I am
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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