AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
