This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
