so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
