Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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