We named our party play list daddy issues
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize