Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
