I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
