My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
