I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
