I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
