It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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