I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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