what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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