Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize